Dance Mom

I am a dance mom. My son is completing his 10th year dancing at our studio. He hasn't been anywhere else. And he loves it.

This year, he was dancing at the studio 4 nights a week, for about 4.5 hours total. That doesn't count the hours he spends at home practicing, trying to fix the details of his dances and get the technique just right. That doesn't include the extra practices he has on the weekends or the competitions where we can spend hours waiting for him to go on stage with his girls. That’s just class time. And what do I do while he’s dancing?

I’m at the studio with him. I’m not one of those moms who drops off the child and runs errands or goes home for “me” time. This is time my son and I get to spend together. This is me showing an interest in his chosen sport. This is me knowing what is going on with his dance, watching him and knowing what he needs to work on, asking him on the way home what his teachers gave him as corrections, and making sure he applies those corrections at home. This is me getting the inside scoop on dance competitions and when extra practices will be. And this is me showing off my craft.

That’s right, I crochet or knit when I am at the studio. Why not? 4.5 hours at the studio is 4.5 hours with yarn, making something to sell. Trying a new pattern. And, sometimes, selling at the studio. I had a mom come up to me the week before Halloween asking if I could make 2 hats for her daughters for Halloween (because it was supposed to be cold). Sure, not a problem. But had I not been there, I wouldn't have gotten that sale. I also rhinestone studio jackets for the competition dancers. I get most of my orders on the nights I am at the studio. I’m passing out business cards to moms who are thinking of purchasing the jackets, especially right before Christmas. I am networking in one of the most random places you can think of – because my son dances.

I am known not only as the mom of a boy dancer, but the mom who crochets and blings. I don’t sew, something I have to constantly remind the studio owner of when she comes up to me with a sewing question. No, sorry, that would be my wonderfully talented mother. My mom sews for the studio, making costumes and whatnot. She sews, I crochet. We work pretty well together.

I mentioned dance competitions. We are finishing his 7th year of competing. A lot of it is waiting. We have to get to the competition venue at least 2 hours before he is scheduled to dance. Find an out of the way place for his changing tent and Dream Duffel. Get him changed. Find where we are going to be practicing, because there are always last minute corrections. I bring my yarn with me and I am sitting on the floor of the venue (usually a school), crocheting. This is where the relaxing feature of the crocheting comes into play. It calms me and relaxes me because I have stage fright. Am I the one going on stage – oh, heck no! But it keeps me calm so that he stays calm and doesn't get all jittery. That’s one of the first things you learn as a competition mom – stay calm and keep your child calm. Bring treats with you that your dancer likes to eat. Don’t stress. Dancers dance better when they aren't stressed and running from one end of the venue to the other. Granted, sometimes there are very quick changes, and for the girls that can be a nightmare when you have to change a hairstyle and costume and make sure you have all the right accessories for the costume. I have a boy, so I have less to worry about, but still, it is a stressful situation.

Wear comfy shoes. I don’t care what you see on that TV show, “Dance Moms” with the moms wearing dresses and hair done  with heels. Wear comfy shoes and pants because you will be getting on the floor with your dancer in front of you, safety pinning a costume together or sewing it together because a seam came apart. You are watching their first routine, then rushing them off stage to get changed into the next costume which is due onstage in about 15 minutes. In reality, they will have other studios go ahead of you so you have time to change and to keep the competition moving, but still, you do need to change quickly. Then rush back to the practice area to meet up with that routine’s kids. Practice again. Touch up make-up. Rush the kids to the stage. Find a seat in the overcrowded room. Breathe a minute before your child goes on stage, then scream your head off cheering for the group.

Sounds stressful, doesn't it? It is. But you can’t show that stress to the kids. You are a duck on the water. Calm and serene on top, floating as if you don’t have a care in the world. Underneath – paddling like crazy. How do I do it? With my yarn. I pour all that stress into my yarn and crocheting. I usually have an easy pattern that I can pick up and put down at a moment’s notice. The repetition calms my nerves and allows me to be 100% focused on my son and what he needs. I even find rhinestoning very calming when I am at home. Glue, place rhinestone, glue, place rhinestone.

What is my point? I always have one. No matter what activity your child is in, a parent’s life is stressful. Work, activities, keeping the house clean, fixing dinner, remembering the grocery list, and spending time with your spouse and children. It is a miracle sometimes how much stress we can put up with. All the while keeping a brave face for your kids. Find something that relaxes you. While little Bobby is at hockey practice, bundle up with a warm coat and bring a book to read. While Suzie is at softball practice, take along some sunscreen and a Sudoku puzzle. Sit and support your kids not only during games, but during practice as well. They will thank you for it. They will know that yes, Mom and Dad work hard and it seems are never around, but they are around at that moment, watching you practice and get better.  They care and love you.  Yes, I realize that families have more than one child, and while they are at practice it is more convenient to go to the grocery store to pick up stuff. But if you are constantly running, with no breaks, you are going to break down. And be more stressed. And not sleep, because when you are supposed to be sleeping, you are worried about this that and the other thing. So, use the time your child is at their activity to have some YOU time, disguising it as time for you and your child. YOU time is just as important as spending time with your child or spouse.

I am sane because I use the time I have during dance class as ME time. Away from a messy house. Away from the responsibility of bills (if only for a few moments). I use the time to catch up on personal emails I didn't get to while at work, or correspond with customers on Etsy. Or simply, play a couple rounds of Candy Crush Soda and check Facebook. But what does my son see? He sees a mom who is invested in his interests and who is there.